census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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