problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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