she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
