If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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