filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your penis caused this!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
