You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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