She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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