Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
