maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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