I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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