when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
