I look better un-naked...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
