Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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