i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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