I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
