U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
