she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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