theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
