She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
