I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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