No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
