my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
