I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
