Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
