wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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