I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
