I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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