Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
