Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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