I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
