be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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