I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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