Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
