He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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