Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
