You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
