we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
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