goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
