508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
