She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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