Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
