Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
