You smell like stripper and shame
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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