he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
