He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
