the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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