a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
