I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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