Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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