I heard we made out
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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