Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.