love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
