whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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