I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
