my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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