i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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