She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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