Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
