Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
