No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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