I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
