You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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