you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
