Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
