dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
